samedi, décembre 10, 2005
oh the feeling of first love..and first heartbreak..
lately, ive been finding myself wanting to go the library more often. yes, the LIBRARY - where the nerds meet, where bored-slash-no-internet-connection people stay there and bloghop when it's intended only for research. but for me, i don't JUST go there to borrow books, or snoop around, or sleep. but also because the view there in the lib is actually endearing. gilbert ortiz is there. working as a student assistant and earning bucks. and i feel like melting everytime he smiles at me, says hello and walks away like an angel floating in the sky..
i met him during the summer when i played with the soccer college varsities (boys and girls). i liked everything about him, his long hair, the way he ties his hair in a ponytail everytime he plays soccer, his laugh.
and this morning, for the first time in my life, i felt confident about myself and what im about to do. for the first time in my life, i did something out of bounds and was actually not my thing. this idea made a stop in my mind when someone told me that the deadline of the submission of prom partners was on the 15th next month. i had the craziest idea of asking him to the prom. which i did. i asked gilbert to the prom. he's in college. he wouldn't mind...
i thought that i couldnt ask him today because we had to jog as a requirement in PE. when we were about to go home, i also thought about the opportunity. it's NOW or NEVER. i was reaching the school gates, can't wait to go home and rest after the jog, and then i went back to the lib. that step back could change my life forever in a good or in a bad way.
one minute i was near the school gates and then the next, i was entering the school lib, facing the greatest challenge of my life. it took me three rounds of the book shelves to get myself talk to him. and when i finally did, i could feel the beat of my heart..beating so fast i couldnt race with it.
"can i talk to you for a while?"
"sure"
"you see, im in third year in and the final submission of our prom dates is on jan 15. kung wala pa akong date by then, pwede bang ikaw na lang?"
"mag-ask muna ako ng permission sa gf ko.."
*then he shows his undeniably cute smile*
ouch.
my first ever heartbreak. i couldnt believe what i just heard. he actually has a girlfriend. i wish i saw that loophole even before i asked. he didnt seem to have a girlfriend, looking so timid.. he just smiled, like he knew it was coming... and then i said ok and dashed back to the school gates.
still, my heart was beating fast. faster than ever.
but it was a relief, i should say... if i hadnt asked him, then i wouldn't forgive myself. i would be trap forever in regrets. the humiliation was worth the try. i hate rejection. we all do. but it seemed like rejection was nothing at all. i just had to ask one question and that's it.
now, almost 10 hours after i talked to gilbert in the lib, i feel like the happiest woman on earth. mission complete.
yayam parked her beetle at 8:39 PM
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